Re the sad story, per GROK: “The line ‘My father lost me in a card game when I was twelve’ is from the TV show ‘Firefly’. It’s spoken by the character Saffron (also known as Yolanda or Bridget) in the episode ‘Our Mrs. Reynolds’ (Season 1, Episode 6).”
ICYMI: “Join Big Questions with Big John as host Big John interviews Carla Gericke, a libertarian leader and President Emeritus and Chair of the Board of the Free State Project in New Hampshire. From her South African roots under apartheid to her U.S. immigration journey via the green card lottery, Carla shares her path to activism. Learn about her landmark First Amendment victory for filming police, the Free State Project’s mission to promote individual liberty, and her bold push for New Hampshire secession. Discover insights on libertarianism, property rights, and building a freedom-focused community.”
Combo written with ChatGPT and me:
The Addictions Power Rankings (Hybrid Max Comedy Edition)
Brought to you by AI—your bartender giving a TED Talk on sobriety while spiking your drink with dopamine and charging you a monthly subscription.
10 – Reading the Comments — Score: 2/10
Not addictive—you think you can handle one more… until you wake up three hours later composing a 12-paragraph rebuttal to someone named TruckNutz1776. (Who, for the record, has the grammar skills of a feral possum but somehow thinks you’re the idiot.)
9 – TV — Score: 6.5/10
You’re not binging—you’re “investing in long-form storytelling.” Which is exactly what Netflix says right before it auto-plays Season 4 and steals your weekend. (Your “Are you still watching?” screen is really just the digital version of your mother judging you.)
8 – Coffee — Score: 7.5/10
A socially acceptable stimulant addiction with a dealer who wears an apron, judges your coconut milk order, and misspells your name on purpose. (Because nothing says “hospitality” like writing Carlotta when your name is Carl.)
7 – Carbs — Score: 7.8/10
Pasta, pizza, bagels… the love triangle that never ends well. It’s 11 p.m. and your hand is stuck in the Pringles sleeve but you can’t let go. (You’re not even hungry—you’re just emotionally committed now.)
6 – Sugar — Score: 8.0/10
Society’s favorite drug—sprinkled on everything from birthday cake to bread that has frosting on it… and yes, your toothpaste, your salad dressing, and—why not—even your water. (Vitamin Water: for when you want hydration and pre-diabetes.)
5 – Online Porn — Score: 8.5/10
Every fetish you didn’t know you had is three clicks away. Two if your Wi-Fi’s decent. One if you don’t care about plot. (You say you’re looking for something “tasteful,” but we both know how this ends.)
4 – AI — Score: 9.2/10
More addictive than sugar, carbs, coffee, and TV combined. Just when you’re about to quit, it offers to write your breakup texts… and make them rhyme… in Shakespearean sonnet form. (You don’t need a quatrain about Chad, but now you’ve got one.)
3 – Booze — Score: 9.5/10
Legal, socially sanctioned, and literally a neurotoxin. People will guilt-trip you for not doing it—because nothing says “fun night” like group brain cell homicide. (And no one believes your “I’m good with water” line anyway.)
2 – Crack Cocaine — Score: 10/10
The undisputed champ of bad life choices. PhD in neuron demolition. Will sell your soul, car, and grandma for one hit—and you’ll thank it for the networking opportunity. (Your grandma’s fine, by the way—she’s just in Florida now.)
1 – AI + Outrage — Score: 11/10
Like mainlining a Twitter flame war while a robot lists every mistake you’ve ever made in alphabetical order. Instant dopamine, plus the smug afterglow of “winning” the internet. You will never log off—because now you’re arguing with your own bot. (And losing.)
Kicker:
So yeah—AI’s now more addictive than sugar, carbs, coffee, TV, and outrage… but still behind booze, porn, and crack. Which is perfect—because when AI finally does catch up to crack?
That’s when we’ll all need coffee… to run.